Let’s Watch Me Eat

Mon, Oct 3 § 2 Comments

Ever have someone watch you eat, and you get this queasiness inside you saying

1) OHMYGAWD does he have to stare??

2) must not gulf down the whole last bite of cheeseburger in front of him . . . but . . . can’t resist

3) maybe I’ll just cleanly stick it inside my mouth in one swift move and chew down, then act like I didn’t just stuff a chunk of cheeseburger in my mouth

4) oh why can’t he just look away now?!

And then you realize you’ve been just staring at your piece of cheeseburger for half a minute so you quickly put it down, then decide that you still want to finish it but since you already put it down it’d look weird to pick it right back up again. To not look like a nut, you first take a swig of milk and then pick up your cheeseburger. You finally decide to take tiny bites so as to not look like a hungry hippo, meanwhile try to make small conversation with the person still watching you, remembering to cover your mouth while doing so too. But this just makes it harder for the other person to hear you, so you end up painfully daintily finishing your burger first until talking again.

Well. Maybe this doesn’t happen to you, but just imagine it does. So it doesn’t seem like I’m just a hypersensitive paranoid.

Moral of the Story: If ye dare watch me eat, watch out for catapulted crumbs.

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