The American Way

Wed, Jun 22 § 1 Comment

I wish the world was more unified, as in, everyone spoke the same language, everyone had one currency, and everyone used the same units.

Let’s take the United States as an example. If the U.S. wanted to be special, then it could have just put a gold star on itself and leave it at that. But no, it just had to replace “football” with “soccer” and call American football “football.” And what’s with this heinous punctuation-marks-inside-or-outside-quotation-marks rule and these spelling differences?

The British called the rainbow “colourful”.

The American called the rainbow “colorful.”

And what if I’m from America and was traveling in Ireland but got in a car accident because I was so inexperienced with driving on the left side of the road instead of on the right?

Or how about the language barriers between “Yanks” and “Limeys:”

Scenario #1

American: Where’s the restroom?

British: The lounge is around the corner.

American: No, the restroom.

British: Yes, the rest-room is over there.

(Conversation continues on, and on.)

– — –

Scenario #2

A Brit sees an American smoking in an elevator and says, “Are you allowed to smoke a fag in there?”  (An American’s “cigarette” is equivalent to a Brit’s “fag” and also an American’s “smoke” can mean “to kill.”)

– — –

Scenario #3

A British goes up to a Wal-Mart employee and asks, “Where’s the loo?”

The man then answers, “If you’re looking for someone, I can page them for you on the intercom. What’s Lou’s last name?”

– — –

But I guess that’s just being an American. A big-bellied, baseball-cap-with-sunglasses-on-top wearer, gun-carrying, ignorant American sitting behind the screen eating fries and hamburgers, and proud of it.

(Everything is a bit out-of-order and un-related, but that’s what happens when you have an American write a blog post.)

*Snickers.* Just kidding.

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