Dear Readers, You Rule

Sat, Apr 30 § 3 Comments

Dear Girls Who Call Themselves Fat,

Please shut up and realize that you’re skinnier than me.

Yours Truly, The Other Girls Who Have To Listen To You Complain

Dear Ideas,

Why is it when I’m on the computer and ready to type, you all run away and disappear?

Yours Truly, Frustration

Dear Icebergs,

Karma sucks, doesn’t it?

Yours Truly, Titanic

Dear Mother Nature,

Why must you curse your daughters with this burden we have to experience a week every month?

Yours Truly, Sick And Tired

Dear Teachers,

Kudos for picking on me right when I was too busy thinking Don’t say my name, don’t say my name, don’t say my name.

Yours Truly, Darn You

Dear English Teachers,

You find more meaning in the writing than the authors themselves do.

Yours Truly, This Stuff Is Useless

Dear Rihanna,

So chains and whips excite you, but you know, the fists sent from Chris Brown just wasn’t good enough. Oh, I get it.

Yours Truly, No I Don’t

Dear Kitchen Window,

Thank you for being so easy to break into when I forget my house keys.

Yours Truly, I Hope No One Was Watching

Dear Mom,

Please stop using your cell phone to call the home phone in the living room to ask me to bring my cell phone to your room because you prefer using my cell phone than yours.

Yours Truly, A Very Annoyed Daughter

Dear Nose,

Why are you stuffy and sneezing??

Yours Truly, If I Catch Another Cold I Swear I’m Going To Murder Someone

Dear Phone,

I say I hate you, I drop you, I forget you, but in reality I need you.

Yours Truly, Please Forgive Me And Start Working Again!

Dear Dora,

It’s right behind you!

Yours Truly, The Overage Kids

Dear Ten Year Old Kids,

You have a cell phone, boyfriend, wear make-up and are already complaining about life. When I was your age, I was single and had a bamboo print on my ass. Please shut-up and stop being spoiled brats.

Yours Truly, The Older Gals

Dear Judgmental Friend,

You constantly complain about how I dress, call me fat and monstrous, tell me I speak strangely and yet you ask me why I’m so insecure.

Yours Truly, Forget You

Dear Hawaii,

Why can’t I ever reach you?

Yours Truly, Me

Dear Statefarm,

I sang your little jingle and no one came.

Yours Truly, A Disappointed Customer

Dear Student Who Constantly Complain About School,

I truly know how you feel, but you really don’t have to remind me of the torture every lunchtime when I see you. Furthermore, I think we both notice the tinge of smug in your voice as you talk about all your Advance Placement Program homework and smart-people classes. And when you always ask about other people’s test scores then smile and reply with “I got a hundred percent?” Please don’t make me punch you in your face.

Yours Truly, Be Glad I Believe In No Violence

Dear Reader,

Sorry, but I need to hurry and finish this post!

Yours truly.

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